


How Neil Got Lost in a Good Book

by siephilde42



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Author Falling Into His Story, Doctor Who reference, Don’t copy to another site, First Kiss, I'm glad Neil Gaiman doesn't read fanfic, M/M, Neil in the Middle of Armageddonot, Parallel Universes, This is just silly, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-14 08:37:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20189413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siephilde42/pseuds/siephilde42
Summary: An author falls into a reality where his book, or more precisely, the TV adaptation of his book, is real. Witnessing the onset of the apocalypse is stressful, even if you know how it is supposed to end.





	How Neil Got Lost in a Good Book

**Author's Note:**

> There are some fanfics out there where the GO characters meet up with the actors playing them. I wondered "What if, instead, it was the author meeting his book/series characters?" I wrote this mainly for myself, but maybe there are others who enjoy this silly idea. Except for some additional scenes and one alteration, the story is basically the same as in the TV adaptation of the events around the onset of Armaggedon(ot), just with the difference that Neil is there to witness (and comment) the events.

The fall was quite painful.

Our protagonist, let's call him Neil, got up and had no clue where he had fallen from. Where he had fallen _to_, he recognised in the fraction of a second. "That's not my writing shed", he determined. Indeed, it was not. He was standing on one of London's busiest streets, in fact. "Regent Street", he mumbled. "How did that happen?"

Confused, he started wandering around. Some minutes later, he noticed that his legs had moved him into Soho. With a start, he detected something which should not have been there. He pinched his forehead, closed his eyes and opened them again. It was still there. With hesitation, he approached the shop and entered, wincing when he heard the familiar ringing of the bells. "Hello?", he whispered.

Beaming, a man with white hair greeted him. "Good day. What can I do for you, dear sir?"

Neil caught his breath and considered exclaiming "Michael, cut it out. That's not funny." But given that he could not remember how he had gotten to Regent Street, he decided to say something else. "Um, I was looking for ... uh, religious satire. You have some of those?"

"Certainly", the man replied and led him to a shelf, afterwards returning to his own reading.

Head spinning, Neil let his eyes flicker over the shelf, without actually comprehending any of the titles. _What is this? A parallel universe? Has to be._ When the bells jingled again, he was still facing the shelf and recognised the person without turning.

"Angel, we have to talk. We need to do something." The voice sounded rather urgent, and the angel waved his friend into the back room.

_We need to do something? Which day is it?_, Neil thought in panic. He hurried to the now abandoned desk and found the newspaper of the day. He felt himself go pale. Armageddon was scheduled to happen in a few days. _Great. Just great. I'm in the middle of it._

_*_

Neil took care not to get involved - it was just too dangerous. If he did anything wrong, it could lead to Armageddon taking place as it was intended to, after all. He was curious to witness at least some events in London, though. So, he lingered around the bookshop the next days to overhear interactions between the angel and the demon. When he was not there, he mostly stayed at the motel he had checked into and racked his brain regarding the question how to get back to his own life. He had tried calling home, but when the person on the other end had picked up, it had been a strange woman who never had heard of him. He wondered if in this universe anything was like it was in his universe. (Spoiler: yes, as we will see later.) So, it was probable he did not exist in this universe, and his family did not, either. He resisted the temptation to look for his wife on social media. Even if she did exist, she would not really be his wife. So, how to get out of this mess? _Maybe I'll get back when the reality snaps back after Armageddonot_, he thought hopefully. But there was no way to know. So there was little to do except wait and hope for clues. The day Aziraphale and Crowley spent in Tadfield, he explored the strange and yet so familiar London. Walked past Diogenes Club and so on. He checked the time. _They should hit Anathema's bike very soon. Have fun with your new book, Aziraphale._

_*_

When the day of the dreadful bandstand scene approached, he considered going there to witness it firsthand, but he did not need much time to disregard the idea. The situation would be painful enough for them without any audience. "There is no 'our' side, Crowley." Neil just needed to imagine the sentence to hear the demon's heart breaking into pieces. He decided to go to the bookshop afterwards, though.

*

"When I'm in the stars, I won't even think of you!", the demon yelled. Neil was leaning against the display window of the bookshop and thought _Liar._

Aziraphale's face after the demon had furiously driven off was even more distraught than Neil remembered from shooting. He would have liked to console the angel and cook him some tea, but that would have messed with the timeline of events, so he just sighed and stayed outside when Aziraphale stormed into the shop and turned the open-closed sign. _I probably should get some distance between myself and the shop. I will just cross the street._

_*_

_I cannot believe that we actually played 'Find me somebody to love' in that scene. How cruel can one be?_ He knew better than to approach Crowley now. _It will all be just fine_, he thought at the demon.

*

He realised that he would like to witness the moment Aziraphale took residence in Madame Tracy's body. _I wonder if that will be different from our interpretation._ So, he decided to stroll to Sergeant Shadwell's and Madame Tracy's house. (Big mistake, Neil.)

Curiously, nobody noticed him sneaking into the ongoing seance. He sat down on a chair in the corner of the room.

After some minutes, he heard a voice. "_Hello. You don't seem to be busy. Would you mind terribly if I stayed here for a while? You seem very receptive._"

For a moment, he could not place the voice, but then he broke out into cold sweat.

"_Ah... hello, Mr. Fell_", he replied. "_Fancy meeting you here... in my head._"

"_Indeed. Let's get out of here, shall we?_"

"_Uh, wait. I don't have any means of transport to get us to Tadfield. Madame Tracy has._"

There was a pause. "_How do you know?_"

"_That hardly matters now, does it?_"

"_You're right. Let's break up that session, then._"

Without wanting to, Neil stood up and stepped to the table.

"_Hi! We need Madame Tracy's help. So, GET OUT._" The last sentence was accompanied with Neil's body glowing in a very strange way, and he worried briefly if he could go up in flames. The glowing was gone as fast as Madame Tracy's customers, though.

Neil chuckled nervously. "Madame Tracy,..."

Of course, Sergeant Shadwell interrupted the explanation, just as in the series, but since Madame Tracy had been as open as in the series as well, it was not hard to convince him of the necessity of going to Tadfield. Theoretically, Neil!Aziraphale could also have borrowed Madame Tracy's vehicle and gone alone, but Madame Tracy did not want to leave the motorcycle out of sight (at least that was the reason she gave, truth was that she did not want to miss the adventure), and Sergeant Shadwell, naturally, would not leave Madame Tracy out of sight. So, the motorcycle was burdened with three bodies and four souls, and off to Tadfield the strange party went.

*

"I'm having a moment here", Crowley wailed. _Good opportunity to release your feelings, isn't it?_, Neil thought and hoped Aziraphale could not sense his musings.

When they marched to the spot where the Them and the Horsemen were, Neil repeated something over and over like a mantra _Don't shoot him, don't shoot him..._ At Madame Tracy's flat, he had decided against explaining to Aziraphale that he must not kill the Antichrist under any circumstances, because it would have probably taken too long to convince Aziraphale of his intentions. But right now he was afraid he had made a mistake. _What if I don't have Madame Tracy's resolve? Shouldn't I just have asked him to possess her as planned?_

He did just fine in the crucial moment, though. Relief flooded though him when he realised he had managed to shoot the charge into the air.

Of course, Aziraphale and Crowley were not pleased. "Why did you do this?", the angel demanded to know.

"Because that's what's supposed to happen! The Antichrist is just a human boy who doesn't want the world to end!"

Crowley frowned. "Is that true, boy?"

Adam nodded and eyed Neil!Aziraphale with a curious look. Some moments later, Neil felt he was alone in his body again.

Aziraphale rushed at him. "How do you _know_ all this? It's as if you knew what was going to happen the whole time."

From the corner of his eye, Neil saw Anathema and Newt approaching. He chuckled. It was almost as if he was Agnes, wasn't it? He stopped laughing when he saw the stern look with which the angel was watching him. "Ah... how do I explain... It's really better if you ignore me for now, guys and gals. Just do what you think is right." And so, he watched the events unfold.

The horsemen disappeared, one by one. _Well done, kids and Dog._

Gabriel and Beelzebub arrived. _Isn't there a ship name for those two? Ineffable Bureaucracy or something?_

The ineffable bureaucrats left, very confused. _The look at their faces was priceless. Now, for the grand finale._

Aziraphale threatened Crowley with the worst thing, and Satan arrived (Neil could not witness the time-stopping-thing, of course).

"You're not my father! You have never been!", the boy yelled, and reality ripped.

_Hello, Mr. Young_, Neil thought and smiled. _I'm really sorry about the grounding, Adam. But it's not the end of the world._

After Arthur Young, the Them and Dog had left the airbase, it was just the adults and ethereal beings who stared at each other, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Well, except for Neil, who was the only one who exactly knew what had happened.

He saw Crowley turning in the direction of the hangar, with a puzzled look. "Oi!", the demon called out, and now Neil noticed the figure clad in white in front of the hangar. "Didn't you get the memo? The apocalypse has been adjourned. Go back to where you came from." It was an elderly man with a beard, wearing a ... white hat.

The man replied "I know. I'm not here for the apocalypse. Just wanted to see Neil, you know."

Neil gasped. _It cannot be._ "Terry, is that you?"

"Very much so. It's good to see you." He stepped closer to Neil and smirked at him. "I see you managed to cast David for the role?"

"Cast? Role? What the hell are you talking about?", Crowley blurted out, but Terry and Neil ignored him.

Neil replied "Ah, yes, obviously we did. It's a strange parallel universe. I don't exist, but you... you are here somehow. Maybe from your plane, you can hop between realities?" Terry nodded in confirmation. Neil swallowed. "You know, the hat you left here has a cameo in the series. Put it in Aziraphale's bookshop and hid an ad in the series in which 'Uncle Terry' looks for his hat. I also took the hat with me to the premiere."

The dead man's face lightened up. "Oh, really? Lovely idea, this. And how do people like the adaptation?"

"They love it. I wish you had been able to witness it."

"Well, one cannot have everything. It's nice to see you again, Neil."

"Likewise."

The angel decided that he had had enough. "Can you maybe explain all this? I would like to know what is going on."

"Ah...", Terry began. "Neil and I, we are your creators, in some sense."

Aziraphale blinked. "Pardon?"

Neil spoke up. "Well, of course, in this universe, we aren't. I'm from a parallel universe, I think. Here, you are undoubtedly very real, but in my world, you are ... book characters."

"Book characters? Are you kidding me?", the demon threw in.

"Uh, no. I don't know what is the relation between the two universes. I just know that in the other universe, Terry and I wrote a book featuring all of you. Aziraphale. Crowley. The witch Anathema Device, Witchfinders Pulsifer and Shadwell, Madame Tracy, the children and Adam's father too."

The demon stayed unconvinced. "I don't believe you", he scoffed. "If you are really an author and I'm your character, tell me something just you would know."

Neil smiled. "All right. I will. Just step closer."

He leaned forward to whisper something in Crowley's ear, at which the demon flinched back and blushed. 1

Aziraphale looked at him, worried. "What's the matter? You seem upset."

"N... Nothing. It's nothing... Uh, he seems to tell the truth."

"Are you sure?"

"I am. Trust me."

At this, Neil chuckled, and the demon gave him a confused look. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just that David played another character, and a trademark sentence of that character was 'Trust me'. So I'm having some funny associations."

"Well, I need to go, I think. Or I'll get into trouble with the others", Terry announced.

"Okay. I - goodbye, Terry."

"Goodbye, old friend."

With those words, he began to glow, so bright that Neil had to close his eyes. When he opened them again, Terry was gone.

*

Madame Tracy had been nice enough to suggest she and Shadwell take Neil back to London, but he declined with thanks, no, don't bother, the motorcycle is built for two, a ride with the bus would be more comfortable, but thank you again for helping us get to Tadfield, and so on. So, the pair had taken off, and Neil was tagging along with Aziraphale and Crowley.

"Do you want some wine too?", the angel asked Neil, who was awkwardly lingering beside the bench.

"Uh, no, thank you." He watched in amusement as the delivery man picked up the package. _It's almost a shame that you probably won't remember this day tomorrow._

On the bus, Neil also kept his distance, of course. When they arrived in front of Crowley's flat, he got off with them and tried to take his leave, mumbling "Well, I'll go to my motel and get some sleep. Take care."

But before he could go off, the angel called after him. "Wait. You _wrote_ all of this, right? So you know what happens next. Won't Heaven and Hell go after us? They cannot let our intervention go unpunished, can they?" Aziraphale looked scared. "So... what's going to happen to us? Will everything turn out fine?"

"Oh, it will. As long as you don't forget the prophecy nestling in your coat pocket."

Aziraphale's eyes widened, and he pulled the slip out of his waist. "What's that supposed to mean?", he puzzled. The demon looked over his shoulder, reading the short text.

"Hmm. If I didn't know better, I would think she proposes a body swap", Crowley determined, "but that's impossible. Angels and demons can't..." He was interrupted by Neil laughing. "What?"

"I'm a fantasy author, mind. I write the weirdest things. And in general, I'm a sucker for happy endings. So you better believe that it's possible, my dear Crowley", Neil smirked.

Realisation hit Crowley. "Oh. Oh. So we do this and then... all will be just fine?"

"Essentially, yes. I don't think you need to go worryin'". _Did I just quote Adam?_

"All right, then. Thank you for letting us know", Aziraphale said, a bit more relaxed now.

"See you around", Neil replied, even if he hoped he would instead bounce back to his reality until morning.

*

"To the world." "To the world."

The lunch was lovely, but it ended eventually, and they stepped out of the Ritz, not being able to remember when they had last been so cheerful.

It was Aziraphale who noticed the lurking figure first. "Oh, hello. How did you know... ah, of course you wrote that scene too. But why are you here?"

Neil gave a heavy sigh before answering. "Well, I had hoped that I would get back to my universe when Adam snapped back reality. But I didn't, so I thought if I attended the last scene with you two and waited until it had played out, maybe then I would find myself in my world again. But the scene is over, and I'm still here... I guess I should get back to Tadfield to witness the last scene of the story. At any rate, maybe Adam can help me. If he can will Satan out of existence, perhaps he can will me back into my existence too."

"Tadfield? What happens there?", the angel asked.

"Not much. Just Adam stealing an apple."

Crowley chuckled. "Adam stealing an apple? How meta."

"Yes, and we wrote: 'And there never was an apple, in Adam's opinion, that wasn't worth the trouble you got into for eating it."

"How poetic. So, basically, it all starts and ends with a stolen apple", the demon observed.

"Yes, closing the circle and everything, you know."

"So... I did the good thing after all, didn't I?"

"You indeed did." Neil paused, then decided to say it. "It's a pity the two of you cannot hear it."

"Hear what?", Aziraphale enquired.

"The nightingale which is singing somewhere in these trees."

"Why would there be a nightingale singing in ... oh ...", the demon broke off and blushed.

"What, dear?", the angel asked.

"S'nothing. Never mind." Crowley was very glad that Aziraphale apparently did not know the song in question.

Acting on an impulse, Neil hugged the both of them. "I need to be off now. I wish you all the best."

Again, it was Aziraphale who wanted to know more before he left. "Wait. If that just was the last scene featuring us, what are we supposed to do now?"

Neil, who had already been striding away, turned on his heels and spread his arms. "Anything you want."

"_Anything_?", the angel repeated.

"Anything", Neil confirmed. "Goodbye." With this, he left.

*

They were halfway to the bookshop when Aziraphale began mumbling. "Anything... So does this mean..."

The demon looked at him, not sure what to expect next. "Does this mean what, angel?"

"So, if we kissed, for example, we wouldn't get in trouble for it?"

Crowley stopped in his tracks. "_Kissing?_"

"An example. It would be possible, theoretically...", the angel replied, in a matter-of-fact tone. His face did not reveal any emotions.

"_Theoretically?_ You're really a bastard, you know. I mean, if you want to kiss me, just _say_ it", the demon blurted out.

Instead of saying something, Aziraphale had the audacity of smirking at him, which made Crowley blush.

"_Say_ something, angel." He hated how desperate he sounded, but he couldn't do anything about it.

Still saying nothing, the angel leaned forward and pulled him close.

When their lips touched, Crowley finally heard the nightingale.

*

Some time later, Neil had managed to get to Tadfield and was wandering through the woods where he knew he would find Adam. A fox he had startled hurried away into the bushes. It was really a very idyllic spot.

He heard barking. "Adam?", he asked, and indeed he saw the dog and the boy coming at him.

Adam looked at him, apple in hand.

"Hello Adam", Neil said. "I was wondering if you could maybe help me. You being able to alter reality and all. I..."

Before he could finish his sentence, Adam threw the apple at him. The instant he caught it, the woods blinked out.

*

When his awareness switched on again, he found himself sitting in a chair.

"My shed. Was it all only a dream?" He scanned the room and looked outside. A couple of deer was peacefully grazing in front of his window, a familiar sight.

He settled back into his chair. "Yes. It was just a dream", he determined. Relieved, he decided to continue working.

When he was about to pick up a fountain pen, he noticed something lying on the floor and froze.

_An apple. I don't remember taking an apple to the shed with me._

He picked up the apple and stared at it for a long time, before he decided to eat it. That was what apples were for, after all.

THE END

1"You have been in love with Aziraphale since the moment he told you that he gave his flaming sword away."

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to Sabine for the illustration of Neil spreading his arms <3 The original Tumblr post is here: https://ineffables-against.tumblr.com/post/613548214568779776/fanfic-doodle-request-from-siephilde42-for-their#notes


End file.
